Happy Jar

I brought out the Happy and Sad jar the other day. I'm amazed they still work, even though the boys are getting older. Here is how it all started.

About the time that Lukas turned two, he decided it was time to hold his own against his older brother Jonas, who was three and a half.  Previously, if Jonas had wanted a toy that Lukas was playing with, he would bribe him with a different toy and all was well.  Now, his formerly easy-going brother Lukas would say no, hold onto the toy for dear life, and hit, bite, or scratch him if he tried to take his toy away. Unfortunately, since toddlers are good at retaliating, this often meant that Jonas would do the same thing back.

After a while I realized that things were getting out of hand and I needed to up my game.  The time-outs and conversations with Jonas were not working at curbing the fighting and I felt like I was saying no all of the time.  I didn't like all of the negativity and I didn't feel like it was working either. Nevertheless, I knew that Jonas was old enough to know better and I needed to do something to curb his behavior.  After talking to my mother, the best childhood expert I know, and looking on the Internet for ideas, I finally came up with the Happy Jar.

I took two small jars and labeled on with a happy face and one with a sad face.  Every time Jonas or Lukas showed good behavior, like being generous with their toys or snacks or playing nicely with each other for awhile, I would put an M&M into the Happy Jar (as long as there were M&M's in the Sad Jar, I would use them first).  When they fought with each other or were mean to each other, I would take one M&M out of the Happy Jar and put it into the Sad Jar.  After suppertime, we would count the M&M's in each jar, mark it on a chart, and then they were allowed to share the Happy M&M's (a small hidden mathematics lesson for Jonas at the time).

I tried really hard the first few days to find as much positive behavior as I could to try to motivate them to continue.  I was amazed how well the jars worked.  Jonas loved being able to collect the M&M's and would always report to me when he was being really good.  Even though at the end of the day, they never had more than 8-10 to share with each other, I could tell that Jonas was really proud of himself (Lukas, being only two, was of course not old enough to entirely understand the jar concept).

Although I will admit, it didn't stop the hitting and biting entirely, it did bring it down to an acceptable level that I could handle.  I only needed to use the jars for about a week. Children love getting rewarded. The best anecdote from the whole experience, however, came from Jonas one night at the very beginning when he went to look at the jars. "Look Mom," he said, "the Sad Jar is happy now, cause he has M&M's, too."